The Lundberg Company

Recently after one of our marriage seminars a couple came up after and said, “We almost didn’t come because our marriage is doing just fine. Then we decided that we want to keep it that way so we came, and we saw some things we need to do to polish it up and make it better. Thank you!” When couples with a good marriage recognize the need to keep “polishing it up,” then their marriage will grow stronger and happier with each passing year.

Couples can become so busy with their children, earning a living, taking care of the house, serving in the church, and so on, that they neglect their marriage without even noticing. Then suddenly it seems their marriage is in trouble. It isn’t sudden at all. It happens little at a time from neglect. It takes some doing to have a great marriage, and the doing can be very fun, and definitely rewarding. Here are three tips to help put a “spit shine” on the most important relationship in your life.

1. Kiss each other more, and we don’t mean a peck! Pecks don’t carry much emotion, nor are they very convincing. A peck takes less than a half second, and would get zero on a passion scale. A good kiss doesn’t have to be long, but it needs to last at least three seconds. Once you’re into it, it may take even longer, especially if the setting is just right—-you know, kids are in bed asleep, or gone. But for right now we’re talking about when you’re leaving for work or just arriving home. Go to each other and make the greeting meaningful. Let your kids see you kissing and enjoying it. Even if they say “Yuck!” don’t let that influence you. Inside they’re really saying, “Go for it, Mom and Dad.” Nothing makes children feel more secure than to see that their parents are in love with each other. Homes and marriages can be falling apart all around them, but when they know Mom and Dad really enjoy being married, then they know their family is safe.

2. Ask for and honor each others opinions. When a woman is the one who spends the most time during the day raising the children she can become so used to making decisions that she fails to ask her husband for his opinion. This can be very damaging to the marriage relationship. Of course, not everything little thing needs to be discussed; however, important issues do. For example, if the school calls and Johnny’s in trouble, call your spouse and discuss what he or she thinks should be done. Honor each other’s opinions and suggestions. Remember that you don’t always have to be right. There can be more than one right way to do something. If you have differing opinions then take turns being right.

3. Take a walk and count your blessings together. Decide that during this walk you’re going to talk only about your blessings. Neither can bring up anything negative. It’s amazing how many things you will discover that are really wonderful in your life. Try comparing your life with the life of an imaginary family in a third world country—no running water, dirt floors, little or no opportunity for education, and soon you begin to feel gratitude for the things you have. Whatever your financial status, you will begin to feel rich. Talk about the blessings you enjoy. Express your love and appreciation for each other.

As you do these three simple things, your marriage cannot help but put on a fresh glow and your feelings of love for each other and your family will increase.

[For more on creating a happy marriage read Married for Better, Not Worse by Gary and Joy Lundberg]