The Lundberg Company

Safeguarding your marriage takes a constant vigil. Infidelity can happen to the best of marriages if either husband or wife participates in seemingly innocent activities that little by little remove their protective armor. In marriage, spouses must do everything they can to guard their fidelity and never compromise that sacred trust. When this trust is in place then the marriage relationship can flourish. Here are a few tips on how to maintain marital trust.

People can have casual friendships with members of the opposite sex, but they must stay very casual and with others present. Spouses need to stay away from any intimate setting with a co- worker or anyone of the opposite sex, such as dinner alone or other activities that have the appearance of a date, including becoming someone’s confidant. There is danger in becoming someone’s confidant because when you share another’s problems, you can start to have sympathetic feelings and a cry on the shoulder can become far more than you bargained for. Inappropriate passions are stirred when intimate problems are discussed, even in the most innocent friendships, and may lead to serious indiscretions that can ruin your marriage.

Ecclesiastical leaders need to be mindful of this, also. They may find themselves in these awkward situations unless they follow guidelines that protect them. Having someone else present just outside the office door is a protection for all concerned. Don’t put yourself in vulnerable positions. Even the very strong can be tempted if they put themselves in inappropriate situations. Your mate needs to be able to trust that you will guard yourself and your marriage relationship in these matters, including while you are performing church service. Going two-by-two is a protection for everyone.

This marital trust must be maintained in every area of your life, including the internet. Intimate “chatting” with members of the opposite sex is a violation of that trust. Under no circumstances become involved in on-line intimate chats or “innocent” friendships with the opposite sex. Too many hearts have been broken from this kind of activity, which seems so innocent at the first, but can be deadly to your marriage relationship and your family’s happiness.

Another situation to be cautious of is the danger of the two of you “hanging out” with the same couple all the time. This can cause too much familiarity with the other person’s spouse. This familiarity with the other persons’s spouse in the name of friendship, may lead to separate meetings. Your spouse may “fall in love with the wife or husband of your friend and have an affair. This has happened all too often and must be guarded against. It’s a tragedy that may cause you to lose three important people in your life—most of all your spouse and then the two friends. Have a variety of friends whom you enjoy being with and you will prevent the possibility of this happening. Some things never go out of style, and absolute fidelity in your marriage is one of them.

Another situation that can harm your marriage a great deal is when one spouse is jealous of the other. It sometimes wears a disguise called, “But it means I love her (or him).” Wrong! Jealousy does not mean you love or really care about your spouse. It means you are frightened and don’t trust your spouse. It also can be a demonstration of unhealthy over-possessiveness. For instance, if you’re walking down the street together and your wife waves at a fellow co- worker who happens to be male, don’t read anything into it. Or if your husband is in the office break room having a soda with a female co-worker when you happen to drop by, don’t read anything into that either. Some people say, “I’m jealous. I admit it. I want him/her all to myself. He’s/she’s mine.” To be so extreme is pure selfishness and a blatant lack of caring and trust. This can undermine your marriage relationship.

If this is a second marriage and your first spouse was unfaithful, you may be pinning undeserved suspicion on your spouse. Don’t let your first marriage baggage ruin your second. Whatever marriage you are in, make this the one that is filled with trust. Make this the one that will last, and fill it with hope and happiness.

[Based on concepts from the book Married for Better, Not Worse: The 14 Secrets to a Happy Marriage, published by Viking Penguin (Putnam Books) NY]