Parents, you are the first line of defense when it comes to your child’s drug use or drinking. And you do make a difference! Nearly two-thirds of teenagers see great risk of upsetting their parents or losing the respect of family and friends if they smoke marijuana or use other drugs.
There are some simple steps you can take to keep track of your child’s activities. Of course, your kids might not like you keeping tabs on where they are and what they’re doing. It won’t be a democracy, and it shouldn’t be, according to many parenting experts. In the end, it’s not pestering, it’s parenting.
- Set rules. Let your teen know that drug and alcohol use is unacceptable and that these rules are set to keep him or her safe. Set limits with clear consequences for breaking them.
- Praise and reward good behavior for compliance and enforce consequences for non-compliance.
- Know where your teen is and what he or she will be doing during unsupervised time. Research shows that teens with unsupervised time are three times more likely to use marijuana or other drugs. Unsupervised teens are also more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as underage drinking, sexual activity, and cigarette smoking than other teens. This is particularly important after school, in the evening hours, and also when school is out during the summer or holidays.
- Talk to your teen. While shopping or riding in the car, casually ask him how things are going at school, about his friends, what his plans are for the weekend, etc..
- Keep them busy — especially between 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. and into the evening hours. Engage your teen in after-school activities. Enroll your child in a supervised educational program or a sports league. Research shows that teens who are involved in constructive, adult-supervised activities are less likely to use drugs than other teens.
- Check on your teenager. Occasionally check in to see that your kids are where they say they’re going to be and that they are spending time with whom they say they are with.
- Establish a “core values statement” for your family. Consider developing a family mission statement that reflects your family’s core values. This might be discussed and created during a family meeting or over a weekend meal together. Talking about what they stand for is particularly important at a time when teens are pressured daily by external influencers on issues like drugs, sex, violence, or vandalism. If there is no compass to guide your kids, the void will be filled by the strongest force.
February 4th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I like your article about “Tips for Parenting”. I’m in a rather unique predicament. My teenage daughter, isn’t necessarily a teenage daughter, but more precicely an adult sister. My sister has gone “wayward” to the point where is was no longer safe for her to stay in her present environment. Unsafe, in this situation, meant running away from her boyfriend, whom is a gang member, and she’d suffered many form of physical and sexual abuse. Living halfway across the country, my wife and I agreed to take my younger sister in. My wife and I have a good history and training in working with troubled youth (as school teaching, behavioral counseling, boy scouts, girls camps, and other other similar capacities). It appears that my sister’s situation is a bit different, and we need some advice on how to help her. My background is with youth, but my sister is a grown adult. She still has a lot of bad habits, and I want to help her break them, but I can’t just put her on restrictions or time-out. She’s seeing a church therapist, and working to earn a small living, but she just doesn’t seem active in changing herself. It’s been 3 months, and it’s getting to the point where my wife and I can’t even enjoy living in our own home.
One, most recent, example is when my wife and I came home from church. (She’s in the Relief Society, and I’m the Executive Secretary, so our Sunday “Work-Day” is a good 8 hour day, not counting any Home/Visiting teaching done that day. Anyways, when we came home to relax, I asked my sister, who was lying on the couch watching television, if she would change the channel to a particular programming that I wanted to watch. (I noticed that as I openned the door to my house that she’d JUST changed the channel, which indicated to me that she was watching an inappropriate program, but that’s not the point). She snapped back telling me that she was watching a nature program which is God’s creation, so it was more appropriate to watch her program instead, and I was ruse for asking her to just change what she was watching. (I kind of lost it at that point). “Don’t tell me what’s more approriate to watch! A, [My program] features people, which were created in God’s image, so they’re more appropriate to watch than your breast feeding elephants! B, This is my house, not yours, I determine what is appropriate under my roof, not you! C, When’s the last time you’ve read the Book of Mormon? 3 years? You have no right to tell ANYONE what program is more appropriate and what is not appropriate until you are re-baptized and get that Gift of the Holy Ghost back! D, You’re in my house. Did you even say Hi to us? We came home 2 hours ago to say hi. You didn’t even acknowledge us because you were too glued to your TV. We left and went to visit with our neighbor. We just came back and you’re STILL stuck to the TV. You’ve been watching TV for 2 hours, haven’t once acknowledged us, and when we ask you to change the channel of my TV, in my house, on my couch, and you want to call me rude? Do you remember why you’re here? What have you done today? You have [X] amount of debt to pay, and are only satisfied with a 16 hour a week job? You’re trying to get back into the church but haven’t even bothered to pick up a Book of Mormon or even pray – even once? The whole reason your here is to start a new life over, and you’re eating our food, living in our house, watching our TV, taking 2 hour hot showers on our utility bill, and you have the nerve to tell me that I’m rude because I asked you to change the channel?”
Well, she wasn’t too happy about that. I have every intention of going back to apologize for my outburst, but at the same time, everything I said was true. What can I do?